Am I of any worth?

Many say this is a result of being alone… and the only solution they have is ‘get married’!! Their viewpoint, but does it work for me? Common yaar its like sacrificing a goat for our belief that it might bring the missing rains or resolve all problems on earth!!! Bichara! I can’t do that to a guy – Nay! Unless someone’s time is real bad & he gets stuck with me in the flow of life :)

So my search continues…. What am I here for? Am I required at all? Does anyone ever miss me in their life? What if I bid adieu this moment? Is there anyone who is going to feel the emptiness? Am I adding any value to anyone’s life at all?!? Questions abundant but answers?!!!? It’s like revisiting those days when I used to go blank in front of Question Papers – What fun!

Continuing to find some light amidst this blankness... Can only marriage & kid make me feel loved & therefore missed & therefore worthy? Won’t the others in my life love me enough to miss me? Or do they have better things to think about… Or is it they are busy to tell me they really do love me & will miss me if am not there.

Reminds me of the book “Who will cry when you die” – who will for me? Am I not able to see / read people in my life? Going crazy with my bizarre thoughts… But amidst all this chaos & uncertainty I try to find peace… Is someone being missed after him/her is no more, defines one’s worthiness? Isn’t it too much of uncertainty!

Who knows what happens after you are gone! People are busy & despite anyone might luv u dearly may not have the time to miss you; everyone is busy living u c; and what are u going to achieve if anyone misses you after you are gone! U can’t even experience that – can you?

This triggers a new thought process & debating within myself I hear myself saying – ‘find your worthiness within yourself and during your lifetime’– this leads me to a realization whereby I realize my worthiness lies in ‘Myself’ who:

• Has survived all odds of life and still emerged positive & learned to live the life in real terms
• Has learned to take life as it comes; live in that moment & not ponder on past or future
• Has made & continues to make best of friends (who make my world)
• Finds happiness in being of help to all in her life : one whom she loves, friends, family, and anyone in need
• Finds happiness in being a friend to her beautiful, smart little niece, nephews, kids of her friends! (they all are blessing in disguise for me!)
• Finds happiness in being available always, trustable, & dependable - all in closer circuit know they can reach out to me whenever, for whatever they want!
• Makes an attempt to love unconditionally (as they say ‘love with all ur heart; if it is returned good; if not be happy that I cld luv someone’) & doesn’t hesitate to show the love irrespective…

An exhaustive list of realization, right? Not bad at all! Finally, I realize that I’m living my life to the fullest, and I’ve touched & am touching many lives in a positive way – isn’t that what being worthy is all about?

What triggered this I don’t know but yeah my day was made with receiving first ever testimonial of my life! Words that were priceless & made me float around! Am I not a blessed soul? C I am worthy enough ;)

Labels: Life : My Views